Okay, so remember when I posted a couple months ago about all these baby-related/breastfeeding questions? So it's going to be another one of those posts.
So I'm not as worried about a lot of things as I was several weeks ago. I think I've finally figured out the breastfeeding thing and don't have to strip down completely to do it anymore. Still leaking though. Grr.
Now for the topic of interest: naps. Let me just start by saying that Reed is a good sleeper at bedtime. He usually only wakes up once to eat (around 4am) and then wakes up at 8am for the day. So I know I am luckier than some on that issue. And I am grateful. However, he is not a good napper. First of all, he naps a few times a day but only for like 20-30 minutes at a time. Lately, he'll be "drowsy" in my arms ("hurry, put him down!" the experts say) and the moment I put him down, he wakes up crying. So, here are a few questions:
1. Should babies be sleeping longer than 20-30 min. for naps? Or is it baby-by-baby basis? A magazine article I just read said if they're not sleeping for at least 45 min. during naptime, it "messes them up". Nice.
2. Should he nap in his bassinet/crib? I used to think he should (but he never would), so he'd sleep wherever--boppy, swing, etc. I don't want him to have to sleep in his own bed for naps all the time, and I don't want him getting used to it being quiet all the time when he is sleeping. What do you think?
3. He naps irregularly. I tried to track his naps recently and there is somewhat of a pattern. Is he too young to have scheduled naps? Although I read somewhere that babies shouldn't be awake for more than 2 hours before sleeping again...or it "messes them up." I hate books.
4. So I've come to a conclusion about letting babies "cry it out." Everyone (except the guy who came up with it) claims to be totally against it. But then it seems that parents always get to the point that they use it. And after a few days, things are great. So the reason I ask is this: yesterday was a rough day. Reed was so tired but only would sleep if I was holding him (remember, I don't want to do that). So I'd put him down, and he'd wake up screaming. After the 100th time, I couldn't take it anymore. Luckily, my good husband got home from work and took over. We put him in his bassinet and let him cry it out. I think it took at least 30 min. Naturally, I had to leave. He did finally fall asleep. Is that the right approach, even for naps? I have a really hard time listening to him cry that long, but if it will help, I'll do it. What are your thoughts on the "cry it out" method? A lot of experts, of course, claim that your baby will lose trust in you, blah, blah, but holy cow, how many of you remember being a baby?! That's what I don't understand.
Anyway, there's my rant. I'd love to hear some comments/suggestions. I already feel like a bad mother and that I've forever messed up my kid.
4 comments:
Books are awful! I never read them when I was pregnant because they made me too paranoid, and I don't read them now. All I can say is what has been my experience with my own kids:
I'm pretty sure both kids' sleeping pattern was all over the grid until they were like a few months old. Then they took about 3 naps a day: 1 at 10am, 1 at noonish, and 1 in the evening. The evening one was short (20-30min) but the noonish one was always at least an hour. Claire had a super hard time going from my arms to her crib, so I put her boppy in her crib and had her sleep in it to simulate my arms. She did that until she was like 6 months old!
You are NOT a bad mom!! Of all the ways to mess up a kid, why would we waste it on ruined naps? My mom's dad (who was never a member) used to put some whiskey in my bottle to get me to go to sleep, and I think I turned out ok...eventually ;) He will be just fine.
P.S.--Don't we love it when Daddies save the day?!
Rhiannon, first - your baby is so cute. And I really like the name Reed. Don't feel bad - sleeping is so confusing. okay, everything about a baby is confusing. But sleep is so, so important - for them and for you. And you cannot wait for them to figure out sleeping on their own - some kids, most kids, need some help. I am all for crying it out! It makes for a much, much happier baby in the long run. Grant sounds just like your little guy. He was a good nighttime sleeper and bad napper. Babies need a little sleep training. Here is the schedule that worked for Grant (and now Audrey) - he woke up and then I fed him, let him play and then put him down again about an hour to two hours after he woke up, no matter what time he woke up. The morning nap was about an hour. Then he was up for a couple more hours. Ate, played, etc. and then down for another nap. This one was longer - usually 2 hours. sometimes only an hour and a half. How old is Reed? I cannot remember. I don't usually let them cry it out until after 4 months, but I think he is that old. So put him in his crib. and let him cry. put in ear plugs, whatever it takes. He might cry for 30 min, but do not get him before that and give it a week. I promise after one or two or maybe three days, he'll know what's up and he'll nap. Clarke always says: the crying might be bad, but sleeping is so good for them. It is better to let a baby cry a little and have them nap than to not nap. That makes for very unhappy babies and sad moms. If he gets sick, or is teething, he might get thrown off again, but stick with it. I promise it helps. But you know your baby, and if you think he is tired, then something has to be done. Babies don't sleep very well if they fall asleep in your arms and then get transferred - that is my experience.
I don't like books much either, but Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby or something like that is an AWESOME sleeping book. Seriously, you'll like it. I re-read it for Audrey.
As far as sleeping in cribs - I think it is so much better for them to sleep in their cribs. If they get on a good nap schedule, and for the most part sleep in their crib/bassinet, then on days when you are out, they are used to falling asleep and will sometimes sleep in the stroller/ car seat. But babies just need to be in their bed a lot. Also, I swear by white noise machines to drown out sound - be as noisy as you want and turn on some white noise to help them sleep.
Guilt - welcome to motherhood. Sheesh. the guilt never ends. I think my mom still feels guilty for things she did. But trust me, you can't mess up a little baby too badly. Especially not by letting them cry it out a lot. Babies need naps. And people that say that their baby just doesn't need naps is totally lying!
I have tons of opinions on this subject - if you want to email me, go ahead. I think you have my email, or Cindi has it.
You are doing a great job. He's your baby and was sent to you for a reason, so if you are giving it your best, that's all that matters. Trust your instinct.
love, your cousin Anna
I know I said this before, but if you haven't checked it out, just give it a try. "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. It changed my life as a mother--I read it when my oldest, Andy, was about Reed's age. Andy was exactly how you're describing Reed.
I am a big supporter of the "Eat, play, sleep" routine (which Tracy outline marvelously in her book). I did it with my second from the beginning and it made things go a bit more smoothly.
Also, I tried to never nurse or rock my babies to sleep (that's not to say I didn't rock them or love them or give them endless cuddles). Both the kids are such champion sleepers now because I let them learn to relax and put themselves to sleep (and back to sleep). It's all in Tracy's book.
Really. Just give it a try. You don't have to support everything she tells you (heck, who agrees with all of ANY self-help book), but pick and choose what will work best for your and your family.
LMK
I agree with everything everyone else has said. Don't read the books. :)
I nursed my babies before their naps and put them down in their cribs before they were asleep--a little drowsy but not asleep. Crying won't hurt a baby (Don't ask Mamau her opinion). And they usually only cry for a few nights/days before they "get" it. I usually wait to do the "let them cry" until they are 3-4 months but don't wait too long. It is much harder if they are older and can sit or stand (although you might have to go through it again as they reach these milestones--it can foul up sleep habits.)
I prefer the crib and move them in there asap. Although, it wasn't as feasible with our space issues when Lucy was a newborn so she took naps a lot in her car seat in the middle of the family room with all the chaos of the family going on around her. She naps in the crib now. Occasionally, she will wake up from her nap before I feel that she should be up. I don't go in and just let her go back to sleep. She does. I have a cd player in her room and sometimes turn on soft classical or religious music.
You'll be fine. Reed will be fine. Love you.
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